You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
