he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize