u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
