I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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