i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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