i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
