apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
