Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
