woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
