why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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