from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She told me I should be a condom model.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
