I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
