So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
