Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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