there's paper in my vomit.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
