Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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