hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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