i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
