He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
