She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
