oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
