stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
