HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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