Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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