he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize