I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
