yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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