I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
