i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
