There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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