i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
