I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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