he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
