There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
