you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize