I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
