how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize