so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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