Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
