When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
