he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
