They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
