Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
