things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
