Cold hands, warm shart.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
