When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
