Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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