i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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