omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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