): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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