I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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