Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
