i jhust puked up my retainher.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize