FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
