My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
