she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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