Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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