This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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