Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
