Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
