he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
