She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
