You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
